Alas Maraschino

Wed, 07 Apr 2004 15:31:23 GMT

I killed a little kid.

I guess I was protecting Kurdt...
But I also think he was protecting me.

or himself. or his job

what do I think?

pa rumpa pum pum

Fri, 26 Mar 2004 18:14:06 GMT

What you believe to be reality... do you think it really is? Before the Embrace there was a different external and internal reality than what we perceive now. See... Before even the first kiss I gave him, a reality was different. But was this reality from the inside or from the outside? Everyone else thought their reality was the same, it didn't matter if he and I had kissed or not. Not just then anyway. But for me it changed, changed completely on the inside. Therefore, then, true reality exists within oneself.

Thu, 25 Mar 2004 14:14:34 GMT

Toreador - Artists and lovers of art, the Clan of
the Rose endeavours to keep the creations of
humanity protected from the endless Jyhad waged
by the Kindred.

What White Wolf vampire clan are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What the hell does that mean? @_@

I've finally decided I'm going to say it. I don't know when though.
SOME SO BRIGHT I CAN HARDLY SEE but i want to share it with him. i can always see and i can't figure him out, and i ...

Mon, 15 Mar 2004 23:01:26 GMT

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday dear Alas
Happy birthday to me

Fri, 27 Feb 2004 19:37:37 GMT

I think I might get myself a child...

...

Fri, 27 Feb 2004 15:52:18 GMT

Sometimes I think I want to have a child.

What can I do? No baby would want a monster for a mother.

But just once I want to watch my baby as she's sleeping.
I want that pleasure because I want to know the world.

And I can't know the world.

It's a human thing, to want to know the world completely, but it's an inhuman thing not to be able to.

I am a cripple.

hum hum

Sat, 21 Feb 2004 22:04:48 GMT

i wonder how people keep finding my journal? i do not mind it so much but i want to know what i can say, and what i can't say, and what i want to know, and what they want to hear, but i'm not doing it for them, i'm doing it for myself and not for them but maybe i will start doing little things, little secret things, little smart fun happy ~~i love you~~ things

I went bowling last night with Kurdt and Symonne and Kerrik and Miss Grey tonight.

I embarrassed myself, I think. Symonne opines that I feel some stuff for someone.

Um, I told her I didn't.

songs

Fri, 20 Feb 2004 18:18:51 GMT

the soundtrack of my life
blips of lyrics that mean
this will be edited
the more i read them the more i cry

don't i sound like a fucking romantic

these are my favorite songs
i guess i'm lonely
find the secret

oasis - don't go away
Cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say
About the things caught in my mind
And as the day was dawning my plane flew away
With all the things caught in my mind

And I wanna be there when you're coming down
And I wanna be there when you hit the ground

So don't go away, say what you say
But say that you'll stay
Forever and a day...in the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time
Just to make things right

Damn my situation and the games I have to play
With all the things caught in my mind
Damn my education I can't find the words to say
About the things caught in my mind

coldplay - The Scientist

(razor)
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are

(kurdt)
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

(kerrik)
Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start

(quix)
Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

(mameha)
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

(me)
Oh take me back to the start

(winston)
I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart

(doctor m)
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

(bael)
Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

coldplay - green eyes
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand

The green eyes
Yeah the spotlight
Shines upon you

And how could
Anybody
Deny you

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Now I met you

Honey you should know
That I could never go on
Without you

Green eyes

ween - Oh My Dear (Falling In Love)
Tell me where you come from. Was it heaven above?
Oh my dear, I must be falling in love.
Can you climb the sunny peaks of a fortress in mud?
Oh my dear, I must be falling in love.
Did I tell you I want more than you're really made of?
Oh my dear, I must be falling in love.
Can you scope a purple blunder and admit that you are young?
Oh my dear, I must be falling in love.

So many colors that surround you
Some so bright I can hardly see
A light reflects on all the things that make you real
Things that make you truly free

So far away but it's so easy to see you
When I'm away I want to put my arms around you
And I want to know - do you feel the same way?
'Cause if you do I want to stay forever
And I want to know - do you feel the same way?
'Cause if you do I want to stay forever
With you

olivia newton john - Just A Lot Of Folk (The Marshmallow Song)

Just a lot of folk
Sittin' 'round the fire warming
Singing all the songs
Memory won't deny
Just a lot of fools
Sittin' 'round the fire fooling
Blow the marshmallow out
And dream a dream gone by

marshmallowmoonblueberrysky
When the big yellow moon rises over the hill,
And the stars, one by one, show their twinkling light,
And a whippoorwill cries from the top of a tree,
You've got all you need for a really good night.

A small teddy bear all fuzzy and brown;
A soft little mattress of goosefeather down;
A warm little blanket, a soft lullaby,
And A Marshmallow Moon In A Blueberry Sky.

moby - schaumgummi

Wier ist schaumgummi
Ich liebe schaumgummi
Ich habe schaumgummi
I like marshmellow, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Wier i - oh oh

Du be pach schaumgummi
Ziege zoila schaumgummi
Du hast schaumgummi
I like marshmellow, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Ich bin ein naufenziega
That's marshmallow to you

You are a marshmallow
Tina turner marshmallow
John wayne marshmallow
Darth vader marshmallow, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

We dance schaumgummi, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Schaumgummi marshmallow marshmallow schaumgummi

kittie - brackish
She is not scared to die..
The best things in life drive her to cry.
Crucify then learn..
(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence,
you know he can't guide you, he's your fucking shoulder to lean on, be strong!)
Sit and watch me burn..
She's led to believe, that it be ok,
look at your face, scarred in dismay,
but times have changed, and so have you..
I think I'd rather crucify then learn
(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence,
you know he can't guide you, he's your fucking shulder to lean on, be strong!)
Sit and watch me burn..
I'd like to take you down, and show you
deep inside, my life my inner workin
so smell and lack of inner pride,
to touch upon the surface, is not for
what it seems, I take away
my problems, but only in my dreams.
(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence,
you know he can't guide you, he's your fucking shoulder to lean on, be strong!)
Crucify the learn..
(take so much away from inside you, makes no sence,
you know he can't guide you, he's your fucking shoulder to lean on, be strong!)
Crucify then learn..
Sit and watch me burn..

ha

Kisses!

Mon, 09 Feb 2004 19:40:43 GMT

Guess who's the new Keeper of Elysium?

ME ME ME ME ME! ME ME!
>:D
heh heh heh
I don't know where I'm going to put it, though.

I can't believe the prince gave ME standing. I know I've been in the city longer than most Kindred have, (excluding Kurdt, the Prince, and I'm only beating Kerrik by a week.)
I miss Kurdt ..

shhh ... I've never been shy around a man before..

Confusion never stops...

I want to take off the patch..

Mon, 22 Dec 2003 05:10:39 GMT

I want to die.

It came upon a midnight clear

Mon, 15 Dec 2003 16:06:57 GMT

I am most lonely.
Grey destroyed himself, Mameha was an infernalist (!?!?!?! JESTY WENT TO FUCKING HEAVEN) and I appear to have changed.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I hate love.

Oh but I do miss Bael.
He wrote me a poem.
Similarly he gave to me a many roses.
I had to leave after that as I had just called up Tracy to have some fun at my/Grey's house. I am back at old home now. Moving things out. And such.

I hate how damn passive I am in situations like this! GAH! GHGHGHHHHH!

The final question is: Do I write like I know no one's reading this? Can I trust anyone? Oh, do let me trust you...
Let me trust you...

Grey loved me.
I moved house.
He has a lot of stuff.
I miss Uma.
Norman is a weird place to be...
I don't know if I like it so much...

I don't know if I like me so much...
People died, yeah, Khayos is gone and all of that, but so is Mameha-san, and Grey, and Christopher Rose (likeIcare) and... I'm just sick of it... I want to put this behind me. Bael is in front of me.

Now what do I do with him?

Tue, 09 Dec 2003 17:01:03 GMT

I feel just so...
despairing...

so many things, out of control
so many people in my heart
oh Razor.
oh Mameha-san,
and the boys too...

i took out eye the other day, was very odd.
i go outside my body.
i go outside my mind.

Gone

Tue, 04 Nov 2003 17:21:18 GMT

Jest is dead. How I cry... rip my hair and fall onto my knees, listen to their vows for revenge.

but then the initial anger is gone and the numbness comes, the comfort that she brought is left with a void.

I don't think that we as Children of the Moon will be taken seriously anymore. And with her goes our position...

Who is Primogen now? Is it that ASS? Much as I try to respect him, it just doesn't happen..

I feel sick...

Halloween

Tue, 28 Oct 2003 16:48:30 GMT

Increasingly I do not trust the Ravnos.
Why did I in the first place?

I am making better friends with Kurdt (a claustrophobic Gangrel - how sad and it does not surprise me.) and constructing a wall, a shield from Mariah. But I will still be her 'friend' .. just keep nothing in my pockets when she's around..

I had a great deal of fun also, even though the night was a bit of torture.. A very strange woman named Jade - (I later learned she was a Gangrel anarch, but I bowed to her anyway because of the incredible fun we had... probably got me in trouble! BUT I'm not caring.) - and Kurdt and I all went to the Haunted House type thing in Bricktown. We scared the shit out of everyone... And all I did was smile...

Yes, two Gangrel and a childe of the Moon out on the town. I smile to myself even thinking about it. There was no breach of the M, though. Though Jade had her fangs out, so did pretty much everyone who worked there.

I want to sing.

Same as it ever was!!!

Wed, 15 Oct 2003 17:16:35 GMT

The Toreador poseurs aren't the only ones who like music.

The green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind
Because I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter since I met you
Honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes, green eyes
Oh oh oh oh
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
-Coldplay, Green Eyes. (They are a British band and very interesting actually. I heard them on a local radio station that seems to have popped up.)

Some people have loads that they CAN unload. My load is stuck with me forever. During my last sleep I dreamt that the eye burst from its confinement, took me and crafted me into an enormous ball of yarn. The disembodied eye then proceeded to suck the yarn in through the pupil until it had devoured me. The pupil then closed up and rolled off the table unto the ground.

I was at Barnes and Noble early tonight - they close at eleven, I woke up at ten. Easy to get over there. I ended up spending all of my time reading Ovid's Latin works translated into English. I then proceeded to return to my condo, pop up my laptop, and continue reading. I do believe my favorite so far has been his The Loves, Book II, Elegy VI: He Laments the Death of a Parrot he has Given to his Mistress. I was happy to find it in Latin. You see: http://www.sacred-texts.com/cla/ovid/lboo/lboo28.htm

Ovid is really, really funny. How he managed to put all of love into a few books I will never understand. I hate love. I HATE it. and I hate that song.
but I can't stop listening to it. I need to have more self-control.

Begin!

Sun, 12 Oct 2003 06:19:53 GMT

The trip to Oklahoma was a quick and easy one. Too quick. Too easy. I had contacted Uma - 1 411 is so useful! and was planning to come to Oklahoma City to see what was up. So, turns out, yesterday night I was just hanging out in the coffee shop. Right, so, in comes this guy. Top hat, funny looking coat, the whole shebang. Jester. (Ping!) He said he was opening a place called Ocelot in Oklahoma City. Yeah. Free ride, I thought.

Yeah, we got there. Interesting furniture. FUCKED-UP guy walked in, drank some of the drink, walked right out without refusing to pay... something's HELLA wrong with him. I have my theories. Met Jest. Yeah, Jest. Different from Jester. Beautiful. She's the Seneschal. I want to become her right-hand gal... and hopefully learn some things.

Oh.. and Chester. That guy's fucking weird.. and very, very touched by the Curse. Two personalities. Chester (gods, I hate that guy when he's being childish. His 'friends' Jose and Jester sit on his shoulder and in his shirt pocket all night.. and he's annoying and outspoken when he's wearing a hat. When he's not, he's completely different. The opposite. Calm, cool, and collected as any Ventrue. Calls himself Charles. I've seen kinds like him before.. The two personalities... MAN, he's touched.)

Who else did I meet?Two Ventrue. Woman called Contessa (I think she's Primogen of Ventrue.) and another one.. god I can't even remember the name! Who else? Alex Nonymous, a Nos who I couldn't help but giggle at a bit. A Gangrel who wouldn't meet my eye - Kraven, his name was? Gray.. a big man. He is really pretty nice, though. Two men with shaved heads.. they were both Brujah, I think. One of them DEFINITELY.. he did quarrel. Man. He had an interesting woman who would play with him.. Her name escapes me too - damn it! I can't put my finger on her.. but she was trying to play tricks on me, methinks. Beautiful accent.. beautiful voice. Interesting girl. I'll have to see what happens with her.. wow.

Last but not least, definitely not least.. I met the Prince. Turns out as lotsa shit's been happening lately, he's REALLY stressed. I wonder if anyone's close to him? If no one is.. I vow to be.

So those are the people. What actually HAPPENED, though? Well, there's two people.. "Old Friend" and "Azrael" .. who concerned us most tonight was the latter. Azrael... dropped the body of the Prince of Tulsa in the middle of the floor at the Red Cup. Some sort of blessed stake in his chest that caused him to turn to a pile of fuggin' dust on the floor.

What. The. Hell.

So we hear that he thinks he's God, or at least that God exists in his mind, and has true faith in this. He can apparently only be hurt when he's attacking someone... so we need bait so the heavy-hitters among us can pound his ass into the ground. God, not me. I'd probably trip over myself..

Okay, so here's my to-do list, and people I need to get close to:
-Meet up with Uma and Shane sometime.
-Make better friends with Jest.
-Get close to the Prince.. see what's eatin' him besides the obvious.
-Talk to that odd, beautiful lady who I caught a few words with...
-See what's up with that cute little Malk, Quix. And her cute little hamsters..

We'll see what happens...!

Thu, 09 Oct 2003 05:37:42 GMT

I have an eye. I do! It used to be called my left eye, but it's all relative. It is the only one left. Right?

After a time in Colorado, I figured it was time to come back. Colorado is so .. snowy. Icy. Slipped up and ended up on my ass too many times. Here, they don't know how young I am. I can pretend. I can work my way to the top in this cruddy little town I grew up in... simple. ..Mmm, I really hope I can make some 'friends' soon.

I'm going to be looking. I know there are a few of us... yeah, at least two. Their reputations precede them. Oh, my fast connection to the Network is a beautiful thing. I can only hope, though, that my own reputation doesn't come before me. Oh, I'm sure it doesnt. It shouldn't. It won't.

So I caught up with some acquaintances of mine from the old school days. Stupendous. Full of life. Married, with cooing little children by their side. Beautiful blue eyes. Uma's teaching Spanish at a high school. She tells me Shane's doing some ..interesting work, too, I might add. I'll have to see if I can reach him in the next week or so. No rush, but I do so want to set something up. Oh my.. it'll be absolutely astounding.

I need to find these people.. and begin weaving my web.